• He starts it off, as they always do, by saying,
    “I still want to be friends” but I am already
    on the next subway, the next taxi, the next whatever.
    I am thinking about dinner that night, or the next night:
    Angus beef, sauteed chicken, mahi mahi fish tacos.
    I am thinking about the coffee pot and runner’s knee
    and how much money I have in my savings. I am
    thinking about hypothermia and missing bodies;
    all the knives in my bed. I am thinking about how
    the very word promise sounds more like an undoing.
    I am thinking about the easiness of mouths.
    How they open. How they give so much but also
    about how they take away the things our minds
    have committed to that permanent place of the brain,
    where memories continue to rattle around long after
    we’ve stopped shaking. I am thinking about how
    he has turned me into a lake and I’ve never learned
    how to swim. I am thinking about how I now have to
    unlearn all of his secrets. Become a tourist to his body
    again, blink against the hurt. I am thinking about
    expensive hair cuts and retail therapy, dressing room
    girls who are used to outlandish requests from customers.
    I am thinking that this isn’t a dress my mother
    would approve of, but honey, I look so good in red.

Why is the guy I hooked up with once off okcupid snapchattting me?